As a couple, we build, share, dream together and set challenges. Nurturing each stage of the relationship is essential to strengthen the bond with the loved one.

“Look at them, how they love each other. They have been married for twenty years and they look like they are just dating.” This is a phrase that is heard from time to time about couples who inspire admiration. Reflecting that state of being in love is not free. It requires daily effort in building a life together.

In our life story we have all had a special person, with whom we have shared tastes, spaces, hobbies, desires, projects and we have even considered a future together.

From taste and attraction, to knowing the details of each person, to having children and leaving home, every union brings challenges that can be overcome if they are assumed with love, commitment, tolerance and respect. Each of these experiences strengthens us as individuals and provides us with crucial elements to build a life as a couple.

The stages of a relationship have a life cycle that can be cultivated to strengthen that bond. What are they and how do they strengthen that union?

Stage 1: Attraction

The first moment of meeting someone is through physical, sexual, and emotional attraction. Passion and physical contact take precedence at that moment. The vital force, energy, and power of eroticism and sensuality shine. At this stage, details, plans, and “daring” invitations abound. It is the time to do crazy things that activate happiness neurotransmitters, such as endorphins, serotonin, dopamine, and oxytocin. If that emotion stands the test of time and follows that path to falling in love, the commitment between the couple grows and becomes a relationship.

Key: Show yourself as you are, without posing, be sincere, empathetic with others, attentive to detail. Avoid making hasty decisions or projecting yourself into the distant future. This stage is for enjoying that moment of idealization day after day.

Stage 2: Consolidation of the relationship

Attraction is still fundamental, but other elements come into play: skills, knowledge, experiences and sharing as a couple are valued. At certain ages, individual goals are important. For example, some people go to study abroad or work, so, depending on how strong those ties are, the relationship moves to the next level or ends.

Key: Maintaining relationships with friends to avoid isolation. Having space with people who are significant in your life is also part of this personal and couple enrichment. Sharing experiences, defining roles, considering whether to have children, investing together, all form part of this new adventure.

Stage 3: Starting a family

Getting married or deciding to share a life as a couple is like a rite of passage, similar to graduating. Telling society that this step is being taken projects the person as a committed being. From that moment on, both have agreements that they have accepted: fidelity, financial commitment, sharing. Elements such as money management, work, and time with the couple's family are learnings that are developed at this stage. During these years, we lay the foundations for a mature love.

Key: Communication and emotional closeness help us to strengthen the union and build a life project. Maintaining expressions of affection and love, of appreciation of the other for what he or she does, of understanding, make coexistence more solid. Living experiences such as cooking together, assigning tasks equitably, tolerating the other's customs. When conflicts arise, it is key not to avoid them but to confront them.

Stage 4: Children

Today, although couples do not necessarily think of having children as an achievement for their existence, it is still common for some to find them to be determining factors in the development of their life project.

The arrival of children represents an illusion. Thinking about giving them what they need, covering them with love, being their support from the very beginning of their life, concentrates the energy of the couple. The example they see at home every day is their greatest source of learning, so, during their growth, it is crucial to fill them with positive values ​​and experiences. The good customs that are lived in the family nucleus give them the tools to behave.

During adolescence, children shake up the life, beliefs and values ​​of the family. Young people have their own identity, they question and experience very important learning. Today family conflicts can arise because children do things that their parents did not do or did not consider at the time: getting a tattoo, getting a piercing, being vegetarian or feeling attracted to someone of the same sex.

Key: During the months of pregnancy, opinions should be shared about the meaning of parenthood for each person. Any doubts that arise during the process should be cleared up with family and reliable sources. Dialogue, openness and knowledge about the customs of young people are the gateway to a positive experience in adolescence.

Stage 5: Maturity

The time comes when children go their own way and leave the empty nest. The desire to give them what they need, to look after them, to care for them, to be aware of them, changes. Now there is more space at home, a feeling of nostalgia in the heart and more free time for both of them.
While there are couples who are active in the workplace, others have a less hectic life. In these cases, time can be used to share, talk, read and continue building emotional and affective closeness.

Key: focus the mind on enjoyment, on rediscovering sexuality (gynecologists speak of a second youth in women). It is the time to take up hobbies again, share activities together, practice sports. The circle of friends plays a fundamental role in staying socially active.

Between 18 and 30 months, human beings are programmed to feel passionate, according to a study conducted by Cornell University in New York on 5.000 people from 37 cultures.

The content is part of the magazine 5 Sentidos and was created by: Martha Cecilia Echeverri, psychologist and sexologist.